


Returning from War

by Kaden (Koverstreet)



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Matt Murdock is a Good Bro, Mother-Son Relationship, Nightmares, Parent Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Natasha Romanov, Spider-Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-06-13 20:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15372924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koverstreet/pseuds/Kaden
Summary: Since the end of the Infinity War Peter has been going through a difficult time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, this is probably one of my darkest works, so to war you this will contain some graphic depictions of violence and PTSD, so if any of you are triggered by that I suggest you stop reading for the sake of your mental health.

Peter woke up in Avengers tower, it’s been a month since The Avengers had defeated Thanos. He showered and got dressed. Aunt May had died of a heart attack a month before the war ended. Something inside Peter felt wrong for some reason.

Is this what it felt like coming back from a war, Peter wondered, was it that he lost his last living family while he was gone, Peter felt empty, like a part of himself was missing.

Then he stopped dead in his tracks, he was back on Titan with Tony dying in his arms. Then he was in the battle of Wakanda, killing Thanos for murdering Tony. Peter felt his heart beating at a fast rate, his breathing heavy. “Peter,” a warm voice said, and his breathing slowed to a comfortable rate as well as his heartbeat. “Peter, can you hear me,” said Natasha, Peter’s mother.

“I can hear you, Mom” Peter replied.

“Where are you right now?” Natasha asked.

“I’m in Avengers Tower, in New York,” Peter said as he came out of the hallucination. He was sweating.

“It’s okay Peter, the war is over,” Natasha said soothingly as the two sat down.

“I know, it’s just I can’t stay here in the city, I need to get out of here,” Peter said as tears came down his cheeks.

“Okay,” Natasha whispered, “I’ll figure something out and we’ll go somewhere for a while sound good?”

“Yeah,” Peter said, his voice cracking with sadness. Natasha held Peter as he cried, when the tears stopped he breathed slowly until he was calm.

That night Peter needed to visit Matt Murdock, he was the only one out of anyone who could help him make sense of his predicament.

Matt sensed Peter from 2 miles away, he could tell that he was stressed about something. He led Peter to the roof of his apartment building.

When Peter made his way up Matt took off his helmet and asked, “What’s wrong Peter?”

“I don’t know where to start honestly,” Peter confessed.

Peter then went on to tell Matt what happened that day in the middle of the battlefield, where he beat Thanos to death for killing Tony. It took Gamora, Natasha, Steve, Valkyrie, Heimdall and T’Challa to stop him from turning Thanos into paste on the grass.

“I felt like I wasn’t in control of my body, one second I’m charging at Thanos, and then the next I’m standing over his corpse with his blood all over my suit.” Peter flashed back to that moment looking at his hands the hands that beat the Mad Titan to death. They were covered in purplish blood. He sat down on the ground and Matt sat down beside him. “I had never killed anyone before that, I felt sick once I came out of that rage,” Peter said.

“Peter, sometimes being a hero means having to make tough decisions, doing this I’ve had to make really tough choices, like becoming Daredevil again when the Hand returned to New York.”

“I know, but what made me decide to kill Thanos?”

“You know what made that decision,” Matt replied.

 Peter did know what made that decision, Tony’s death. When he Thanos stab Tony, it sent him into a rage he had never experienced before. He manage to overpower Thanos and beat him to death. When Peter came out of his rage he saw what he had done and went into shock. He couldn’t hear anything or see anything that well, his vision was blurry.

Natasha was the one who brought him out of that haze. She cleaned him after the battle, she had never seen Peter so vulnerable before. In the aftermath Peter basically shut himself off from the other Avengers. He was ashamed of what he had done and couldn’t bear to look Gamora in the eye.

“Go home, Peter,” Matt said, “Be with your family.”

“Good night Matt,” Peter replied and hugged his friend.

When Peter returned to the Tower, he showered and got into bed. He had the dream again and woke up sweaty and in tears. When he lay back down, his bedroom door opened, and Natasha walked in having heard the commotion. She lay down next to her son and held him in her arms.

“It wasn’t your fault Pete, you did what you had to do,” she whispered, “It won’t change how much I love you, you know that right?”

“Yes,” Peter replied as he calmed down.

Peter had the dream again.

_He was back in Wakanda when he saw Thanos come through the portal_

_Peter charged at Thanos, grabbing Heimdall’s sword using it alongside the Iron blade he made as he ran at him. Peter threw the Iron blade and it hit Thanos in the shoulder as a distraction._

_He held Heimdall's sword with both hands as he sliced Thanos’ gauntleted hand off. Thanos screamed in pain as the stump where his hand  exploded with violet blood that spattered all over Peter’s suit._

_Peter didn’t even realize all the blood that was on him as he dropped the sword and pounced on Thanos, bringing him down to the ground and began to pummel the Mad Titan with his fists._

It wasn’t until the final punch that Peter woke up and shot up in his bed. He was breathing hard and sweating.

“Peter, Peter, it’s okay” Natasha said as she held him in her arms.

Peter then started crying saying “I killed him,” over and over again.

“Shhh, it’s okay Little Spider the war is over now,” Natasha reminded her Little Spider.

“I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t mean to kill him,” Peter said as he sobbed into Natasha’s shirt. Thanos may had been evil but it didn’t mean Peter did not regret killing him in a frenzy. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to,” he said as he breathed heavily.

“We’ll be out of here in the morning Peter,” Natasha reminded him, “We’ll be in Wakanda by lunch time.”

“Okay,” Peter said, and he went back to sleep in Natasha’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Natasha arrive in Wakanda to spend some time away from New York, T'Challa will do anything to help this boy cope with his pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry for taking so long on this, I needed to refine it so I could capture Josh Brolin's essence in this chapter.

**Chapter 2**

When the door to the Quinjet came down T’Challa was there waiting alongside Okoye, Shuri, and Ramonda.

When T’Challa saw Peter’s face he knew that he needed to be here in Wakanda to recover from the Infinity war as people have dubbed the conflict with Thanos. When he saw Peter’s face that night after he killed Thanos, he knew that boy would need all the love, care and help to recover from it.

“Peter, Natasha, good to see you both,” T’Challa said.

“Thank you for having us your Highness,” Natasha said.

“It is my pleasure.”

Peter was silent throughout and he just had his head down. Once they were alone T’Challa asked “How is he doing?”

“Not good, he’s been having nightmares and hallucinations, he feels bad for killing Thanos.”

“I understand, he’s so young, I promise he’ll be able to relax here, I’ll have him hang out with Shuri in the lab, it’ll take his mind off of things, until such a time that he can come to terms with everything.”

“Thank you T’Challa.”

When Peter was finished with settling in, he just wandered the halls of the palace with no destination in particular. He looked out a window at a Wakandan sunset, it was breathtaking.

“Beautiful isn’t it,” said a voice and Peter turned around to see Nakia leaning against the wall.

“Yeah, it is,” Peter replied.

“How have you been Peter, really?” Nakia asked.

“Not good, the dreams are getting worse,” Peter admitted.

“It will get better Peter, just relax and enjoy your time here.”

Peter took a deep breath and relaxed his mind while watching the sun go down with Nakia by his side. “I think I’m going to like it here,” Peter said with a faint smile on his face. Nakia put her arm around him and Peter rested his head on her shoulder.

Peter woke up sweating, the dream wasn’t as bad this time, but it still made him sick to his stomach. He decided to take a walk to clear his head. He found his way to the mausoleum which held the tombs of the previous kings of Wakanda. T’Challa was there next to his father’s tomb.

“Peter, what are you doing awake?” he asked.

“I can’t sleep,” Peter answered.

“Nightmares?” T’Challa asked and Peter nodded, and he put a reassuring hand on Peter’s shoulder. He wished he could take Peter’s pain away from him, make him forget about that day where he killed Thanos. When he helped pull him back, he saw the look in his eyes as he came out of his rage, it was hard to describe it was as if his innocence or what was left of it was evaporated in a single moment.

“I can’t shake them, I killed Thanos with my bare hands, I’m a killer.”

“I know Peter.”

“I just wish the pain would go away.”

“I know how that feels, but we have to learn to live with it, but don’t worry I will be there for you alongside your mother and everyone else.”

“I know it’s just, is it wrong that I feel bad for killing someone who wanted to wipe out half of the universe?” Peter asked.

“No of course it isn’t wrong, it reminds you that you’re human,” T’Challa reassured Peter of his feelings.

“Thank you, T’Challa.” Peter then took a look around the room, marveling at the craftsmanship of the statues representing the past Kings of Wakanda. His gaze then fell upon the statue of T’Chaka.

“I really wish I had met your father, he seemed like a good man.”

“He was,” T’Challa said, “I loved him, but even he had flaws, he kept Wakanda secret from the world just like the Kings before him and he killed my uncle because of it, causing his son to become embroiled in never ending hate.”

“What was his name, your cousin?”

“N’Jadaka was his Wakandan name, but he took the name Erik “Kilmonger” Stevens, you remind me of him, you lost someone you loved, and he died in your arms.” T’Challa said, “But the difference is that you didn’t let your anger blind you,” he looked at Peter and he saw the same look Kilmonger gave him when they first met a look of lost innocence. But he also saw something different, he saw the look of someone who didn’t let his anger get the best of him, he saw someone who had people who loved him where Kilmonger did not.

“Come on, I’ll walk you back to your room,” T’Challa said as he put his arm around Peter and escorted him back to his room.

“Good night,” Peter said.

“Good night Peter,” T’Challa replied giving Peter a hug before he went back into his room.

T’Challa went to his room and took out a box that was stored in the nightstand drawer by his bed. Inside it was a ring he had had made for Peter. It was red and blue like his costume. The ring was a symbol of brotherhood, and that T’Challa would be there for Peter when he needed him.

When Peter went back to sleep, he had an entirely different dream, he was on Vormir.

“It has been some time webslinger,” said a grand booming voice.

Peter only had one guess as to who it belonged too. He turned and saw Thanos standing over him. “Thanos,” Peter said in a hushed tone. Then tears came down his cheeks when he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t mean to kill you.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, I took someone important from you and you did the thing that kept the balance.”

“Balance I’m not a killer, I didn’t want to kill you I let my rage take over and I killed you in cold blood,” Peter argued, and he looked down at the ground.

Thanos knelt down so that he was eye level with Peter. He hooked his chin with his finger and slowly made him look at him in the eyes. “If you want my forgiveness, you have it young one, but you also have my gratitude.”

“What do you mean?” Peter asked confused at what the Mad Titan was saying.

“For countless years, I had dealt with the pain I caused. Pain I caused you, Gamora and countless others, but when I faded away my pain went with it, deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong in the eyes of others. I wanted to save this universe even if it took my sanity.” Peter looked in awe at Thanos as he talked “I always thought it was my destiny to wipe out half of the universe, but it wasn’t. My destiny was to die for what I believed in at your hand, I saw it through the time stone, multiple timelines where I completed my mission and one where I didn’t, and it was at your hands.”

Peter looked down at his hands and went back to the moment where he killed Thanos. “It was destiny for me to die, and it was your destiny to save the Universe by any means necessary,” Thanos said.

“I understand that, but I still feel sick thinking about it,” Peter replied.

“I know, but you will push through it, that’s what you heroes do right?” Thanos asked.

Peter nodded and said, “With great power, comes great responsibility,” he looked up at Thanos and looked into his eyes again, “It’s my code of honor, my Uncle Ben taught me that before he died.”

“He would be proud of you,” Thanos said.

Peter then woke up, the sun was rising over Birnin Zana when he looked out his bedroom window. He heard his door open, Natasha walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, Peter let out a deep breath reassured that his mother was there for him. After losing Tony and then May, Peter felt lost, but Natasha was there to remind him that he still had family.

“I love you mom,” Peter said.

“I love you too Peter,” Natasha replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> Now real talk, I'm unclear on where to take this story, or more accurately this version, because I decided to experiment a little bit and have another version where Peter and Natasha go to Storybrooke. I don't know when I'll post that, but the first chapter will be the same with a few slight changes.
> 
> I would love any suggestions on where I can take this version of the story from you guys in the comments.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think, let me know in the comments below.


End file.
